...i would never hurt the people who mean the most to me. Yet, I've hurt every single one of them in one way or another.
My mum, boyfriend, girlfriends.
Why? Why can't I be a success instead of a failure? Although I have no right to complain, I brought it on myself but looking back at everything - I never realised how it would affect the future.
Which is another problem, and Matty tells me it the whole time.
THINK BEFORE YOU ACT. THINK OF THE CONSEQUENCES.
So, naturally, I think i do, but I don't.
I'm so close to losing Matty, because of something I've done when I first got with him. God damnit Lauren, you're a fucking twat. Get some screws, use them to complete yourself, I've obviously got 99% of them fucking missing.
I'm fighting to keep him. I'm holding on by a string, he's so hurt it's killing me. Knowing I've hurt someone... worst feeling in the world. And because I'm in love with him, everything tenfolds. Treble that tenfold when you see tears come out their eyes. :'(
What have I done? The one person I love and need, want a future with, and I've done a spectacular job of making him feel sick and hurt. </3
It can be fixed. I'll do anything for him, however he wants to do it. If he wants to take it slow, only see me once or twice a week and nothing physical - fine by me. As long as I am with him, I'm putting my all in. He's my world, not a part of my world. How can I give him the world when he IS the world.
Heartache. It hurts so much knowing I've hurt him. How can I forgive myself, let alone him forgive me? I feel disgusted, dirty, worthless.